Visiting Jeremy Clarkson’s farm

You know these plans, that people weave, but never actually happen? Like going to visit a place where all they’ve got is expensive merchandise, but it was on the telly, so people make plans to go there anyway? And then never go… And then, on 12th December 2025 at 8:04AM, you get a text from your mate: “Breakfast at Clarksons Diddly Squat farm. Christmas treat😆”. Well, I didn’t take any pictures, so let me post here, since I was crying in the other post that this was supposed to be life-style entertainment and not just programming.

First things first. That place is in the Kingdom of Condom. And you know what that means. The weather is so miserable, that even completely normal people would go nuts! And yes, we didn’t get lucky, it was bad. As a side note, I present food for thought. A colleague at work suggested, that Muslims have to physically observe the moon during Ramadan. I didn’t believe it, but we asked a Muslim colleague, who explained to us, that that is true, and due to the climate in the UK, local Muslims have to watch “moon cams”, preferably from Saudi Arabia. Wow, I would not come up with that. He’s my question. If you believe your God orders you to observe the moon, why would you move to a country where this is impossible?

So, we drove long and far (not really) and we got there - Diddly Squat Farm. There’s not much to be had. A farm shop, where you can buy supposedly local produce at extreme prices (my mate bought a jar of honey for £12), bar and a food truck, because due to planning regulations they can’t have permanent structure there. The Big View Burger (supposedly as seen on telly) set me back £14 and never mind the fact that I could eat 3, burp, and eat 3 more. It’s a day out thought, innit, so we have to enjoy ourselves.

Next stop, Farmer’s Dog - the Jeremy Clarkson pub. We arrived and it was so packed, that they had people directing the traffic, asking everyone whether they have a blue badge. We didn’t have one. The warder said and I quote: “Then follow the exit this way.” And that was it, straight out. How strange? Anyway, we nearly went back home, but I noticed a huge temporary car park across the main road, so we turn it around once more and managed to park there.

When we finally got there, I guess it was nice, but … You see the problem, you can’t really go to the pub and drive back. So we had a look around, my mate prides himself with reviewing places on Google, but for some reason got shy, so I took some pics for him at the place and that was that. I don’t really know what I want to say. My mate really enjoyed it. Great, I am happy for him. I definitely did want to go, but ultimately, it feels shallow. I don’t know. You can’t really park anywhere and yes, you have to drive, because in the Kingdom of Condom, public transport is pretty much unheard of and even places you can get to on it, it would be cheaper to take the car, most of the time. Because you have to drive, you can’t even drink. You don’t really wanna go, because of how miserable it is outside. And ultimately, what’s the point? To see a place you saw on telly? I don’t get it.

That is to say, been there, done that. I hope I can enjoy a better destination next time, but until then, take care.